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Upcoming Events
AUG

22

TUE
Church Council
7:00 PM to 9:00 PM
AUG

23

WED
Chancel Choir
7:30 PM to 8:30 PM
Practice
AUG

24

THU
Bread of Life Study
10:30 AM to 11:30 AM
AUG

25

FRI
Last Day to Collect Household Goods at the Church
Summer Household Goods Drive - We have begun collecting household goods (clothing, small furniture, books, CD’s and DVD’s, etc…). If you have things that you would like to donate please bring them to the church starting August 1st. We will be collecting from August 1st through the 25th, so if you feel it’s time to clean out a closet we would love whatever you can donate! Ask your neighbors, family members and anyone else that you know that might have things that they would be willing to donate to the church. This is a great way to help the church budget!! All items will be stored in the garage in the small trailer.
AUG

26

SAT
St Benedict's Community Dinner
3:00 AM to 5:00 AM
This is held at St. Benedict’s Episcopal Church. St. Andrew’s takes turns cooking and everyone helps serve. In conjunction with St. Benedict’s Episcopal (910 Bowker Street, Lacey) we serve a hot meal for the homeless and low-income people in our community. Come help set-up, serve, clean-up. If you would like for information please contact Rich Green (360) 943-9290.
AUG

27

SUN
Morning Service
9:00 AM to 10:00 AM
Adult Sunday School
9:30 AM to 10:30 AM
Traditional Service
11:00 AM to 12:00 PM
AUG

30

WED
Chancel Choir
7:30 PM to 8:30 PM
Practice
AUG

31

THU
Bread of Life Study
10:30 AM to 11:30 AM
SEP

03

SUN
Morning Service
9:00 AM to 10:00 AM
Adult Sunday School
9:30 AM to 10:30 AM
Traditional Service
11:00 AM to 12:00 PM
SEP

04

MON
Bible Search

Humor Corner

1.Time flies when you’re having fun. Unless, of course, you’re a frog.
2.I think, therefore I am. I think.
3.If you live to be 100, you’ve got it made. Very few people die after that age.

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  1. I’m glad I’m not as judgmental as all those self-righteous,     censorious, stupid people here.
  2. Waiter, his coffee is awful.  It tastes like dirt.  Yes, sir, it was ground yesterday.
  3. A backward poet writes inverse.

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1.         We couldn’t repair your brakes, so we made your horn louder.

2.         I can’t remember the last time I forgot something.

3.         No one has ever complained of a parachute not opening.

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I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

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1. A beauty parlor: A place where women curl up and dye.

2. An invisible man married an invisible woman. Their kids were nothing to look at either.

3. The job counselor said, “How about some volunteer work?” I said, “I wouldn’t do that if they paid me.”

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1. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

2. If Fed EX and UPS Merged, would they be FED UP?

3. Police were called to a day care center because a 3 year old was resisting a rest.

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1. Avoidable - What a bullfighter tries to do.

2. Hay - Grass ala-mowed

3. Mohair - What bald men need

4. Selfish - What the owner of a  seafood store does

5. Vitamin - What you do when someone comes to you house

6. I can’t remember the last time I forgot something

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1. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating and  endangered plant?

2. If you throw a cat out of the car window, is that considered kitty litter?

3. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

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1. Your over the hill when in the morning you stand and hear the usual snap, crackle, and pop, but it isn’t your breakfast cereal.

2. If a tuxedo is evening ware, what is the suit of armor?  Silverware?

3. What clothes do you get for a house?  Address.

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When my 3 year old opened his  birthday present from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He immediately headed for the sink. I was not so pleased and turned to mom and said: “I’m surprised at you. Don’t you remember how we drove you crazy with water guns?” My mom smiled and replied:  “I remember!!”
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Did you hear about the terrible disaster at sea? A pink cruise ship collided with a purple cruise ship.   All the passengers were marooned!

The tragedy of the flea is that he knows for certain that all of his offspring will go to the dogs.

Make your spouse happy. It’s easily done. Remember their birthday but forget which one.
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Here are some more of my travel plans:

1. I have been in Sane. They don’t have an airport.  You have to be driven there.

2. I would like to go to Conclusion, but you have to jump, and I’m not much for physical activity.

News Paper headline: “Ranchers Balk at Sheep Prices, Suspect Fleecing.”


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1. Newspaper Headline - Ranchers Balk at Sheep Prices: Suspect Fleecing

2. My Travel Plans for 2014 - I’ve been in many places but never in Cahoots.  Apparently, you can’t go alone.  You have to be in Cahoots with Someone.

     I’ve never been in Cognito.  I hear no one recognizes you there. 

Stay tuned for more of my travel plans.

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1) A police officer stops a fellow for speeding and asks to see his drivers license. The fellow says, “I wish you guys would get your act together.” “Yesterday, you took my license away and today you expect me to show it to you.”

2) The girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

3) Sign at a Tire Shop:
Invite us to your next blowout.

What is the difference between:

A king’s son,                                         
A Monkey’s mother,                          
A bald head, and                                    
an orphan?

Ones an heir apparent.                    
The next is a hairy parent.           
The next has no hair apparent.    
The last has nary a parent.

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1. Beware when taking a magician’s exam!  It is loaded with trick questions. 

2. Sign in a Podiatrist’s Office;  Time Wounds all Heels

3. Sign at a Towing Company;  We don’t charge an arm and a leg.  We want tows.

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1. Sign in a Veterinarian’s waiting room:  Back in 5 minutes, Sit! Stay!

2. Why were the early days of  history called the Dark Ages?  Because there were so many knights.

3. Forbidden fruit creates many jams.

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1. Sign on an Optometrist’s Office: If you don’t see what your looking for, you’ve come to the right place.

2. Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend.  Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

3. A pastor ordered 50 mice, 2000 ants, and few cockroaches.  The clerk asked why he wanted these items?  I’m    transferring and the Trustees said to leave the parsonage just as I found it.

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1. A snail bought a new sports car with a big red “S” on the side.  As he drove around town everyone would say:  “Look at that little ‘S’ car go!”

2. Oceans never go out of style.  They are always current.

3. Archaeologist: A person whose career is in ruins.

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1. Used to be indecisive, Now I’m not so sure.

2. Is it me, or do Buffalo Wings taste like chick

3. A man was told he got the job.  It will pay $12,000 to start and $20,000 after 6 months.      Excellent, replied the man.  I’ll be back in 6 months.

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1.  The dentist of the year got a little plaque. 

2. How do you know the Invisible Man has no children?  Because he’s not apparent. 

3. No one could find the deck of cards.  They got lost in the shuffle. 

4. Wrinkles are hereditary.  Parents get them from their children.  

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 1. How do you fix a broken tuba? .......... With a tuba glue.

2. A bicycle can’t stand alone.  ............It is two tired.

3. When she saw her first strands of gray hair. ........ She thought she would dye.

4.To write with a broken pencil is,........... pointless.

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A young man was visiting a church for the first time, checking all the announcements and posters along the walls. When he came to a group of pictures of men in uniform, he asked a nearby usher, “Who are all those men in the pictures?’

The usher replied, “Why those are our boys who died in the service.”

Dumbfounded, the youngster asked, “Was that the morning service or the evening service?”

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1. When fish are in schools, they sometimes...take debate.

2. With her marriage, she got a new name…….and a dress.

3. When a clock is hungry…...it goes back for seconds.

4. A will is a …..dead giveaway.

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1."The dead batteries were given out free of charge"

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "Dam".

3. A vulture boards an airplane carrying two dead raccoons. The attendant says I'm sorry sir, only one carrion per passenger

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